I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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