apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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