You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
