I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
