After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
