Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
