I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
