so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
