Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
