then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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