Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
