Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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