yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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