I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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