Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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