you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
