I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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