dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
