shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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