seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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