I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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