hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
