i think i have two assholes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
