Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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