nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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