the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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