toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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