There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
