Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
