My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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