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need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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