I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
