I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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