I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
