Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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