Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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