your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
