Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
