Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
