They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
