tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
