booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I still have a little drunk in my system
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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