my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
COCAINE IS GR8
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
