just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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