did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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