During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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