I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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