Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
