I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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