Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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