She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
