Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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